Deadbeat Dad update

So weird thing happened... I never said another word to Michael after yesterday's argument and today out of the blue he sent me a text that he would be over tomorrow evening after work. Very interesting. Did he actually think about what I said? Or is it just guilt? Either way I think Joel is the one who benefits, at least for now anyway... :)

Deadbeat Dads

I'm so angry I'm shaking. I asked Michael to help Joel with a science project. I asked him early last week if he could help and he said he would on the weekend. He never bothered to call or do anything to help on Sat or Sun. I texted him on Monday and he said it was just a crazy weekend and he wasn't able to help because he had so much going on. You know what he had going on? He went to his brother's house on Sat night to "hang out". Why does he get so much credit for being a father to Alex and Joel when he doesn't do JACK SHIT for either of them? Why do they enjoy spending time with him so much? Because he lets them do whatever they want and he doesn't bother them. He lets them come to his house and get on the computer or game station and play the WHOLE time they are there. This is what he calls "being a father". When I ask for help with anything he never has time. Most of the time when they visit his house he doesn't even stay home to see them. He's out working or going shopping. He doesn't play games with them or talk to them or take them anywhere. He simply lets them stay at his house and for this he is rewarded with being called a good dad? People think he is so wonderful because he has stayed in touch with them for so long but when they don't see is that he does NOTHING with them! His response to that? Well, he says, that's what they want to do. YOU COULD TRYING BEING A PARENT FOR A CHANGE AND SAYING NO! Michael, you're as much of a deadbead dad as Curtis and Kenneth are. You should be ashamed of yourself!

Reunion

I was able to talk to my niece today. Erica Lynn. I haven't heard her voice since she was about 6 years old. It was a very short conversation as she has some things to deal with but it was so heartwarming! Her father is my brother who used to hit her mom and was pretty horrible to both his wife and his children. I don't blame Beth (Erica's mom) for wanting to keep them away from Walter. I am just extremely thankful for the Internet as I was able to find them (Erica and Sarah and even Beth's oldest child Alyssa) on myspace and now on facebook!

In our short conversation Erica did mention that her father had also contacted her through facebook and that she hasn't replied to him because she doesn't know what to say to him. I told her I was probably not the best person to give her advice on that subject. I hate him. I have nothing good to say about him and I never will. I guess what he sent to her was a message that stated how sorry he was for not being there for her and all that has happened with her and her sister. I would like to tell Erica to tell him if he's so sorry then he should stop hiding and start paying the $100,000 in child support that he owes her mother! But I didn't. I hope that when we speak again I will have the strength to not sound like a bitter old lady but also have the courage to answer any and all of her questions 100% honestly!

I think I was closer to these girls than anyone else in my family. I lived with them for awhile when I was 18. I played with them everyday. I babysat them often and when I was asked to move out (by my brother) it just about killed me. Once Beth got away from Walter my mother lost contact with her and the girls. I don't know the whole story and with my family as they are I will probably never know the truth. By the time I had Alex I didn't know where the girls were living and I didn't have any contact info for them. I also wasn't sure how Beth would react having someone from Walter's family contact her (although Beth is a very strong woman and I think she would have gladly let me talk to and spend time with the girls) so I just let them lead as normal a life as possible. Looking at their profiles on myspace and facebook I can see they have all done very well! I sincerely look forward to getting to know them all once again and making a connection that will never be broken!

I do wish that I could have this relationship without anyone else in my family interfering. Okay, I'm selfish. I don't want my mother, sister or brother to contact any of the girls. But I can't change that at all. I just hope that they know that I looked them up because I love them and I want to build a friendship with each of them!

So tempting!

I just received an email that says "Click here for $1500.00 directly deposited into your checking account" I'm so tempted but you know it's so not true! Oh you may get $1500 but you'll pay back twice that amount! Still, as I sit here broker than broke I ask myself, should I? I could sure use the money....but isn't this exactly why America is so in debt. People always feeling like they have to live above their means? Let's just charge this or that and enjoy it while we're young. What have we done that we deserve to enjoy such extravagance at such a young age? Our ancestors worked their butts off to have a little bit to put away and in the end they felt good cuz they EARNED what they had! So as tempting as it is to accept an offer like that I'm going to say no. I'm going to work harder and save more and when it's my time to play I am going to enjoy every moment knowing that I made it possible all on my own!!!

Okay, I'll bite...

Time to get it done

I'm actually going to go get my community service done today. I never did go last time I said I was going to. I called the Court to get some information and found out that I was supposed to have my community service done by April 1. I swear I thought I had till May 1. There could be a warrant out for my arrest at anytime so I figured I better get it done today.

Easter Sunday came and went without a single call from anyone in my family. I guess I should be used to this by now but I'm really not. It still makes me sad. I wonder if anyone I'm related to even thinks about me at all.

I'm feeling quite lonely. I realized how lonely my life is when I came home from Europe. I really don't have any friends. It's hard to explain. I have people that I know and call friends but the reality is if I don't stay in touch with them they would never call me. So it's really just a one way thing. It gets really old really fast.

I guess I better just log off today cuz this talk isn't going to make me feel any better. I hope my day brightens and I can once again find a balance in my life that makes me a little happier.

Family

I haven't spoken to my mother since October 2008. I noticed that she has a facebook page so I requested her to be my friend. She accepted but still has not even asked me how I'm doing or anything. I'm so disgusted with my family. Not one of them is worth a minute of my time if you ask me. I can't understand what makes them think they are so much better than me. I should never have added her to my page anyway. My sister is no better. She never bothers to call or see how I am doing. She knows that I have had a hard time and that I was really suffering around Christmas time but she never even bothered to call me for the holidays. Well, today I say screw you all... every one of you. You can live in your stupid make believe world where you tell yourselves that everyone else is wrong. I am better off without you. I don't understand how it is that we could all be related anyway, I am so much different than any of you. I know my mother has lied to me about who my real father is. There's no way I am related to Henry Matteau. I can tell how much he hates me and always has. Everything is so convienent isn't it Marilyn? All your little answers to everything? I was a 10 month baby? YEAH RIGHT! You should tell me who my real father is. I have a right to know. I'm sure he's a much more wonderful person than you and Henry are. I'm sure you couldn't hold on to him because of your selfishness. I wonder if he even knows I exist.